..Why is this so hard ?..

Well here I am yet again sitting on the same old bed, listening to the same old iPod and the same playlist. I dint sleep las nite. God my life isn't as interesting as I had once hoped!! It jus stays the same. I had made some decisions sometime ago and I'm hoping i can stick with them, because it took a lot to reach them. But there are times wen i regret...But nw there’s no point , i m jus floating. I m numb !!
                     I ve spent sleepless nites wit nobody to ask me “R u alive n fine !!“. But then I got better… but still nobody has to ask dat Q . Tell me who is lucky n who isn’t !! All dat I can do is smile n say .. Happens !!. I better tell maself I m overjoyed.. I ve always smiled not bcoz I was happy bcoz I dint want anybody to tell me I m sorry for u !
                     I'm not going to chase the dream anymore; I am going to resist the temptation to screw things up. I guess I realized that it's never going to happen. I am sad about it; don't get me wrong I am gutted.
                     I sit here watching t.v trying to keep away from truth, laughing at random things. But dat wont help, I couldn't give that up for all the world, no matter how strong my feelings and hw hard it is !
                       I'm wondering wats gonna happen. I m worried, Jeez it hurts! But hey if you are happy then so am I, well not quite but you know what I mean.
                      I ve askd stupid questions. Ans's ve been there; right in front of my face and i either haven't noticed or may be I dint want to. Is it bcoz I dint to see it..wateva certains things are better left unsaid !
                       When I try hard and get to the end of d street, n manage a smile, I ve seen dat it doesn’t workout and then I'm gone, heartless; datz it.

Hey i knw u r going through the same thing, it hurts doesn’t it?
Sometime, Its good if you can let go...I know everything is to change and yet i still keep myself blind.

I tend to be pathetic
I tend to ask for more
I tend to be dependent
I tend to be... boring...

Yes, i admit them when i face your impatience n arrogance and I knw its even more hard for u to face mine.I found words are really useless between us. They do no good!!! Jus left unsaid!
Let me get out from the confusion...
I'm losing !!

I can hear dat distant voice yelling at me … “ Hey son , its too late you gotto wake up !!”
Wooh ! I call dat a bad dream !! :)